Adieu, 2022
2022 was the most peaceful and happy year until August. Life was perfect! I was content and hungry for life at the same time. Then in August, the crab came to our lives to give the most challenging few months of my life. Ending 2022 without my dad by my side. I need to get used to waking up without any WhatsApp notification from "Acha Personal"!
2022 taught me great life lessons! It taught me to enjoy life every day since nothing is permanent, be it happiness or sadness! You can plan life to an extent, but if it takes you on a rollercoaster ride, all you can do is hold tight and join the ride.
Early 2022 showed me that life would give you the best when you start loving yourself. Love is not the best vacation or the grandiose gestures. It is when you can enjoy the forgettable Wednesday like your first date. It is about open conversations and equal contribution. It is when disagreements do not become fights but a place to plan for a better tomorrow. Love is the tranquility you experience when you are together and the support you feel when you are away.
It gave me the hope and courage to try something new in life. Grey Mahout is just the beginning of something special.
2022 showed us how my family could stick together and navigate even the most challenging times with laughter and fun! Our house was happy even when we had to wake up in the middle of the night to change oxygen and check spo2 levels. Thank you, Acha, for teaching us to be better humans and to be ourselves! After his passing, many of his friends and colleagues told us, "we did not know that his condition was this bad. I spoke to him recently, and he never mentioned the seriousness of it". Well, that was my dad. He never whined about the disease. Never asked the question, "why me?". He just wanted to fight the disease. When the condition ate away most of his energy, he stored the little remaining for the things he loved! To be with the family and to give speeches. Even during the last few days of his life, he showed us how to live courageously and gracefully. Also, to live a life for you and others. If you love something, chase it until your last day. If something is not good for you, set a boundary and walk away. You know what's best for you, and only you would know it.
Coming back to the last five months of 2022 and the fight against cancer. I came home in August after three and half years. Everyone was happy, but the fear of the diagnosis was also there. Cancer cells do not just multiply and take up space in the patient's body. It will try to kill the joy, stability, and peace of mind in everyone in the family. It's f**ing hard! You do your best to make the patient comfortable, but the emperor of all maladies will fight back. It will crush the patient and you until you give up. But the best thing you can do is be with the person. Love and your presence can uplift them when their body and chemotherapy drugs are drowning them.
We made multiple hospital visits and stays for his treatment. The oncology department at Lakeshore Hospital is an experience I will never forget. You see patients and bystanders with their first scan report waiting for confirmation and to know the severity(stage) of the disease. You see young and older people who lost their hair and energy fighting the disease. You see survivors who can have their smiles and lives back. You also see people who walk into the hospital with fear or hope and return as motionless bodies. I saw families feeling helpless and hoping for a miracle in the oncology ward. The aunt or uncle in the next room will be gone one day, but the nurses and doctors continue trying to save or extend their lives. When the doctors estimate time and money and make a plan for your loved one's survival, you feel powerless. We saw and felt fear, hope, sadness, anger, frustration, helplessness, and love!
It can happen to anyone. My dad was not a smoker; he was pretty healthy until four months before his death. He was only 60. He used to do regular workouts and had a very active lifestyle when his body was fighting stage-4 adenocarcinoma with brain and bone metastasis.
I knew my dad would be gone any day in the next six months. I knew I would get a phone call and fly back to India anytime. But when it happened, I was angry and the thing I hated the most at that moment was this cruel disease!
I do feel his absence, smile, and his care every day. But at the same time, the great lessons he taught us will stay with us. On your 60th birthday, the only advice you gave my brother and me was to "Be Yourself"!
I am still grieving my dad. There are days when I miss him. There are days when I feel energized and feel proud that I was born as his daughter. There are days when I feel grateful for everything I have in life. There are days when I feel sad and wish my dad was still healthy and happy!
2022 was an eye-opening experience for me. It was a bag of happiness, love, care, fear, loss, grief, and hope. Well, that's what is called life, isn't it?
